nick//blog

Josh

Woke up today pretty much the same as any other morning – however, today feels different.  As I sit here writing this blog entry I have two young children: dancing, running, playing.  But today it’s more noticeable than most days that two should be three.

 

Seven years ago today our Josh passed from this life.  It’s hard to say exactly how one feels on such a day – slightly dazed I guess.  I think it’s a case of ‘what if’-what could have been, the hoped for.

 

Maybe one big factor in all of this is the fact that it’s just too easy to forget – to be so busy with life that the memory fades.

 

Yesterday a friend asked about today- he remembered- even visited his grave.  I guess people will never know quite how much that means to me.  A card came through yesterday- a dear lady who knows loss and suffering yet continues to send thoughtful cards every birthday and anniversary of his death. 

 

Simple gestures – profoundly felt.

 

So today is dedicated to Josh – to his smiles, he laughter amongst the pain, his high spirits in a fight that he could have never have won. 

Being 6 seems a lot simpler than 37!

It wasn’t until I saw a payment to typepad that I remembered I even had a blog!

 

Social networking sites are great (Facebook, etc) but it’s a rather superficial way of saying how things are going.  You know, the kind of ‘hey, how are you’ question, and the inevitable ‘fine, thanks for asking’!

 

Blogging does mean you have to dig a little further- unless you are commenting on something external to yourself, but even then you have to give your own opinion.

 

Anyway- enough rambling.

 

I’m not sure how and why it happens, but it seems that the majority of my close friends (me included) are less sure about what we were once pretty sure of!  Confused!  Exactly- me too.  I’m talking about Faith- or perhaps we should call it LIFE.

 

More about that some other time.

 

Had an interesting conversation and response from my 6 year old daughter a few weeks back.  It was on the back of a story I told her…you know the one…Zac the tax collector!  We ran through what the heck the point of such a story was- and how the little fella’s life was changed as a result of meeting Jesus.  Not sure how the next part happened- she made a statement/question that I became a Christian when I started playing the drums in church!!  Interesting! (the mind of a 6 year old!).  So I start to tell her about what a relationship with Jesus is- and wondering if I even believed it quite a strongly as I once did.

 

So I’m rattling away in 6 year old speak- and she says she wants to tell Jesus how sorry she is for all the bad things she does and wants to start a new life!

 

I didn’t really instruct her at this point- the prayer was beautiful- raw, honest and to the point- I wish I could pray like my 6 year old.  Some would say she came to faith that day laying in her bed.  I’m not so sure-but it was another step along life’s/faith’s journey. 

 

Brian Draper writes an interesting article about an 8 year old friend of his who became a ‘proper Christian’. Click hereto read it.

 

And here’s the irony in all of this- my 6 year old is probably far more certain and sure of what she does not see or really understand than I am. 

 

Anticipation

Booked a 3 ½ week holiday in

Florida

last week.  Ok, no big deal- people go on holiday all the time- but for us we haven’t had a family holiday of any time for almost three years. And, without giving a context, the whole feeling of ‘looking forward’ to something has not being part of our vocabulary, let alone anything internal

This is not a pity party- just a few thoughts about ‘anticipation’.  When you live for, what felt a life time, with only ‘survival’ on a day by day basis, one can only dream of looking forward to something. 

So my ponderings made me wonder if we need such things?  Of course, often the anticipation of an event, material possession is greater than the reality, but does it pull us away from the humdrum of life.

Then I got to thinking about some of those people whom I have sat with in mud huts in

Africa

and other 2/3^rd world locations.  What does anticipation look like for them.  In our terms, their life looks difficult- if not down right abysmal. 

Or is it?

They are some of the most happiest and fulfilled people that I have met.  I think they look longingly at us westerners but internally they have found peace- or at least that’s what is felt like.

What if you had no more holidays, purchases or job promotions?  How would that change us and how we view the future……..answers on a postcard!

Random thoughts

Its been a while since I wrote anything on here.  It’s all been about facebook, which is great but there really isn’t a place to capture thoughts and feelings in any meaningful way.

A few random thoughts here:

EXPECTATIONS

I don’t believe any of the crap that there is an answer or key to life or success, but I think ‘expectations’ is one of those things that needs to be packed into out survival packs as we travel through life. It seems that it is human nature to have high expectations- or perhaps ideals.  Marriage, friends, job, income, pleasure, church, kids and the list goes on.  Think about it for moment- are you disappointed with life, your life?!?  Right- everyone is to some degree- its not being negative- its just we all would change something, we’ve all been hurt, all been let down.  So I’ve come to realise that amongst all this that lowering our expectations can, to some extent, help deal with what we so want out of life.  Face facts- your spouse, friends, church, kids, job will never quite hit the mark- and if actually this IS as good as it gets then maybe being content is living with these disappointments but still enjoying it.  ummmm???

COMMUNITY

I’m not sure what that really means anymore.  I used to be into accountability- but that is more of an ideal and only works if you are willing to let others into the deepest darkest corners of your life.  A friend of mine recently dropped in a Henri Nouwen book ‘Out of Solitude’.  Nouwen advocates ‘care’ rather than ‘cure’ stating that whilst cure seeks to overcome problems and adversity, ‘care, in contrast, is ongoing, attentive, and from the heart’.  I’ve twice been in a place of crisis where without doubt people have been there is the masses, but 6 months on you can count on less that one hand who sticks around.  Care takes effort, selflessness, time and hard work.  Do you know of any faith community like that??

New Life!

Proud to announce the birth of our 3rd child- Caleb Joshua Turnbull.  Got loads of pics if you are intrested....email me if you want the link.

cut out banks and the middleman

Came accross this today.  It's a loan company called Zopa. 

Now, I'm not promoting loans here, but i like the way they offer money and investment. 

Essentially it's through a co-oprative- a community of people who invest so others can borrow.  The BBC news did a piece on it and can be viewed below if your interterested:

Open for Business

I'm back! After a longer than intended blog sabbatical I am in the throws of designing this poor excuse of a blog back into cyber space!  At least there's room (plenty) for improvement!

Blogs have themes mostly- faith, hobbies, passions etc.  This blog will probably have an identity crisis for some months until things bed down.