On July 3rd 2000 a journey began for Nick, Sheri and Joshua Turnbull (and hundreds of others) that took them to places they never thought they would go, nor wanted to go. That voyage seemingly ended one year and nine days later when the fight was lost to the fierce battle against Joshua’s cancer. On that day of July 12th 2001, a new journey commenced, but this time with one less participant.
When CS Lewis wrote his second book on suffering it looked quite different to his first. It was shorter, more honest and closer to home. “A Grief Observed” is his journey of dealing with the death of his wife, who was taken prematurely by bone marrow cancer. Perhaps the title of Lewis’ jottings best describes these exerpts.
These entries articulate a rawness of feeling and thought. But remember, you are joining a road that has many ups and downs, twists and turns, potholes and narrow edges at times. This has been a journey, with each hour, day, month and year bringing new perspectives.
These excerpts are from Nick’s journal:-
“ I’m not sure what has finally led me to put my ‘sacred space’ up into a public domain. No-one likes to feel exposed or vulnerable, especially me! I haven’t done it to show people how well, or not so well, we are doing. Neither have I done it so people may simply observe someone travelling through grief. My intention was to never let anyone read these words. It is my journal, my words, my world and indeed, my grief. But I’m beginning to recognise that we like to keep doors firmly closed where we have pain and un-dealt-with issues. I’m also learning how precious and short life is, and how I, and fellow mankind, waste so much of time on things that just don’t matter, often at the cost of things that do. So I offer these words as a perspective, which my dear little boy’s death has brought upon me. I never wanted to see life from this angle. I had a good view from where I was, or perhaps I thought I did. My hope is that this serves as a legacy to the one person who has brought me the most joy and happiness yet also the deepest depths of pain. No one person has inspired me as much as my little four year old son. His short life has changed mine forever. If these words can do even a fraction of that for others, then I’m willing to let people in”.
This Journal was a private space to grieve and, at the time, was never intended to be read by anyone else. But those few and close to me whom I shared excerts with encouraged me to give it a wider audience. Therefore, this is dedicated to all those who are left behind and who will never forget or 'get over it'!
Scroll down to read the journal. Please feel free to add comments at the bottom of any entry which I may respond to, if appropriate.
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